It’s weird how easy I find it to be dragged back into being scared of daily life. It can take just a subtle hint that something might just happen to set me back into a mini spiral of feeling like needing to drink and smoke myself to sleep. Listening to terrible things that have happened in the last few years doesn’t really help, not that I expected it would. But I assumed that I would be able to cope with dredging through some terrible garbage in the hopes of finding some pearls of knowledge. I was pretty much wrong.
Creating is helping. I am currently recording footage that I will be using for a show on sunday. This part of me typing will be part of the final piece, but just the reaction of my face to the music i am listening to, and my occasional thinking face as I try and pick the right word to go next.
I don’t know whether it is a sign that I should stay away from horrible garbage and just try and do good in my own life, rather than trying to research and inform others of the horrible and atrocious things that have occurred in the last ten years. It makes much more sense to me that I should simply concentrate on being happy, spreading that feeling around, trying to lift the consciousness of the people I love. Throwing shit at people to get them to see that the world around them is shitty seems oddly illogical to me. Yet that seems to be what the majority of people think is the solution.
Truth, yes. Idealism, probably. But not at the expense of sanity and goodness.
Or something like that.
I’m mostly just rambling now so that I can fill time in on this recording.
You probably won’t see it anyway, so it won’t really matter that much to you. You can just ignore this one if you want.